Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
