Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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