Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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