I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
