You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize