my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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