I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
His hands were made for my vagina.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
