I bet he comes in French.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
