the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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