She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
please come you make the beer taste better
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
