:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
