So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You smell like stripper and shame
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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