This is not my ceiling
I cannot find my penis.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
