K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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