right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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