I got chris browned last night
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
