SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
