I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
