I accidentally burped into my bong.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
so much tequila, so little girl.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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