Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize