On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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