And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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