Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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