I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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