he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
