You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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