Ambien. No doubt about it.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
