I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
