Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize