I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
