he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
