My sheets look like a crime scene.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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