Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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