I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
