I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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