last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
