This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
