bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
