ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
