my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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