I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize