I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
