I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
