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my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
