I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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