you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
