Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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