i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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