I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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