talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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