You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
