You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
