I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
