it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
