): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
