Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
