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you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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