You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
