it wasn't lemon gatorade
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
