??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
