So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
