You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
