dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
