What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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