You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
