They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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