It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
