so let's talk penis.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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