I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
