I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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