Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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