Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
