3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
