She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
