Please, let me fuck your mom
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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