grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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