Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
