Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
