Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
