Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
No subtext here. People are naked.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
