...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize