I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
