i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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